What If My Partner Is Unsure About Couples Counseling?

Ask what feels uncertain

Your partner might worry about being blamed, having to discuss private matters, the cost, or whether counseling would help. Ask rather than assume. A possible opening is: “I would like us to handle disagreements differently. What concerns you about speaking with someone?”

Choose a moment when it is safe and practical to talk. Listening does not require abandoning your own needs; it gives you more information about the decision you are trying to make together.

Explain a goal you can both discuss

Instead of promising that a counselor will change your partner, identify a pattern you would like help addressing. Examples include talking about finances without escalation, making parenting decisions together, or understanding why one person withdraws when the other seeks a conversation.

These are examples of topics to discuss, not exercises proven to persuade a reluctant partner. Ask a prospective counselor how goals are established and how both partners’ perspectives are heard.

What the evidence does—and does not—say

A 2020 meta-analysis found improvements in relationship satisfaction among couples receiving therapy across the studies analyzed. That supports couples therapy as a treatment option, but does not guarantee improvement for a particular relationship or show that pressuring an unwilling partner to attend is effective.

Whether joint counseling is suitable depends on the circumstances. If there is intimidation, coercive control, violence, or fear of retaliation, seek confidential individual safety guidance before initiating joint sessions.

Sources: [1] [2]

A first step does not have to be a commitment

You can ask whether an initial phone conversation would help clarify the process, fee, and suitability. If your partner is not ready, you may still ask about individual counseling for your own concerns. Individual work is not a way to secretly conduct couples treatment or diagnose an absent partner.

At Mathews Family Counseling, call 440-201-4841 for a free 15-minute consultation. Couples services are available by appointment in Kinsman and Cortland; ask about online suitability and each partner’s location. Confirm benefits before scheduling because acceptance of an insurer does not mean every couples session is covered.